MAM – Middle Aged Men

One of the greatest myths of society is that middle age is “on the downward slope of satisfaction”, if that is so why is it that those aged 90 and over are enjoying high life satisfaction and happiness compared with people’s perception?

by Victor Cherubim- Mar 4, 2017

Mar 3, 2017

(  March 4, 2017, London, Sri Lanka Guardian) Why do middle aged men feel as if they are on the road to nowhere?

Why do young men want to be middle aged men?

An ageing population is not only in England, so in Japan and in many parts of the Western world. There could be a time bomb ticking? However, it is the “sandwich generation” the middle aged which has been conveniently swept under the carpet. We are living longer but poorer in health. Experts say we store up our problems as we reach middle age.

Is it an age crisis?

“Eight in every 10 people, particularly men aged 40 to 60 in England are overweight, drink too much or get too little exercise. Health officials are concerned of the “sandwich generation,” caring for children and ageing parents but do not take enough time to look after them. Desk jobs, fast food and the daily grind are taking their toll because of unhealthy lifestyles”. The Budget in England is next week; could we expect the Chancellor clobbering a tax on “overweight”? Perhaps, there are other ways of achieving this objective.

On the other end of the spectrum, isn’t it strange for young men to long to be middle aged. There are many reasons the young want to look older than their age. Of course, you cannot stop time, but it appears youth is wasted on the young. It happens the young try over-expose their skin to the sun to look old and come out like a “dried out piece of leather”. They may also over exercise, and look twice their age. Besides, smokers look older than their age. The magic is how one wants to feel and who can complain?

Middle Age (not Middle Ages) an attitude of mind?

Men especially middle aged men want things comfortable to remain as they were, they don’t understand change. They hardly plan for growing old. To be emotionally and physically lazy is a disease among this generation. They seem to be caught between generations of their austere parents who worked all hours to provide for their families and who survived every downfall as it was a windfall. It is known that the middle aged men want to think and count to be more progressive and individualistic. These “kids” now Middle Aged Men seem to be unloved, uncared and “surplus to requirements.”

There is no harm wanting to be individualistic and not to follow the crowd. It is an irony to say they have lost their way. They have pressures which perhaps, they themselves have created. They want to live up to what is expected of them, or has society brought about these pressures? Personal trouble or the desire to achieve is a rollercoaster. Not being able to adjust to losing a job or being divorced or being suddenly disabled makes them to feel they are on the scrapheap. Instead, it appears, they have not moved on and tried how to cope with the challenges or changes life has thrown on them.

Male pride, male role model, male identity has undoubtedly changed over time and instead of looking back at what has happened as a challenge, they sink into a slump of despair. Many middle aged men find it difficult to talk about their hopes and fears like women in such circumstances. Women in such difficulties help each other. See the difference in style between a divorcee, a woman and a man? They somehow find ways of changing their lives around, and they succeed?

Some ways to overcome 

If age is indeed a number, where do you draw the line between middle aged and elderly? There is 45 year old Stephen who has lost his job, got divorced and has tried hard to find a new partner. He says he feels lonely and does not know what to do with his life. Then there is Nick who is 53 years old, is single and says he has not achieved what he wanted. Then there is Ryan 48 who really does not know what he wants in life.

They are all part of this so called “Middle Aged Generation” who feel a sense of rejection, of internal suffering, of missing the boat when the responsibilities of their counterparts are seen to be at the greatest. The old model of being the head of the household, being the breadwinner, compared to what’s today; not mastering the role of sharing everything, including being a “dogsbody” or a washer up.

Unless you look back at what has happened one cannot move on. Many have lost self confidence and self respect in them. They have become inward rather than outward looking. It is very easy to chastise them. It is very difficult to find ways to give them back their self worth which is to show them their own ability to achieve a better life. The joy of life satisfaction has not been taken away from them, but their self confidence has been literally submerged in layers of concrete.

From depression to deliverance 

From receding hairlines and advancing waistlines, middle age is by no means being on the “on the shelf.” Middle Age is a life cycle when you are older, wiser, more experienced, more knowledgeable. You have to search hard for the ambition which seems to have been waylaid, by years of loss of self worth from work and society and seeking the due recognition of one’s abilities.

Age gives you a well developed sense of purpose, shows you the absurdities of modern life and the folly of unhealthy lifestyles. You may not have much hair on your head, but you have lots of it growing from more interesting places. Your expectations may be like current interest rates in England, sensibly low, but if you pursue what you wished to do when you were younger and persistently plod at it in an innovative way as the years roll by allowing for change, there is nothing stopping you reaching success.

One of the greatest myths of society is that middle age is “on the downward slope of satisfaction”, if that is so why is it that those aged 90 and over are enjoying high life satisfaction and happiness compared with people’s perception?

You need to restart life once again for which you need determination, discipline and degree of confidence in your ability to achieve your ambition.